


The Worst is Yet to Come

by mousepatrol



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, also known as: how to break a little boy, drabbles for an old roleplay, from the beginning to the end of hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-16 00:48:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14801165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mousepatrol/pseuds/mousepatrol
Summary: The formative years: 1971-1978.





	1. January 9th, 1971.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> also known as: A Chance to Escape

“Eileen? What is this?”

She glanced up from where she sat, reading a book in the morning light. Eileen took the letter from Tobias, flipping it over in her hands and running her fingers over the red seal that kept the parchment closed.

“It’s from Severus’s school,” she told him, starting to carefully peel up the wax.

Tobias wrenched it from her hands and narrowed his eyes at her. “This isn’t from St. Theresa’s. I am smart enough to know that he doesn’t go to school in Scotland.”

“He’s eleven now. He’ll be going there soon.”

“What are you talking about? Who sent us this?” He read the return address, squinting. “Albus… Dum… Dumbledore? What kind of a name is that?”

Eileen paused, marking her place in her book. “He is a wizard, and a very well-respected one at that.”

Her husband looked at her like he’d seen death. He suddenly started ripping up the letter in a fury. “We are not sending that boy to wizard school, I told you! You’re insane!”

She stood up in a huff, trying to take what was left of the letter but he pushed her away and stormed into the kitchen to throw it out. Eileen followed him, hands on her hips. It was too early in the morning for a fight like this, and on her son’s birthday no less.

“It doesn’t work like that, you know. They’ll show up on our doorstep and turn you into a cockroach and take him away,” she warned him.

Tobias swallowed, his chest heaving in fear and rage. “What I say is final. He’s not going, I won’t sign him up to learn about demons and witchcraft and spirits.”

“That’s not – that’s not magic. I’ve tried to tell you about it, but you won’t listen. It’s not harmful, Tobias.”

He threw his hands in the air. Every day, there was something else that Severus did that made Tobias distance himself further from the child. He wished he was still as blissfully unaware as he had been during the boy’s first few years, but now he knew Eileen’s secret and his son was headed down the same path. “You’re already brainwashed by them, of course you think it’s not harmful. He almost set the house on fire last week, how do you explain that?!” 

“He’s only learning! He’s not in control of it! That’s why he needs to go to school, it was just an accident!”

“I know you’re teaching him.”

“I’m not,” she lied.

“What else could you be doing all afternoon while I’m not around? I might not’ve gone to magic school, but I’m no idiot.”

“I didn’t say you were.”

“You think it.” He turned around, opening the door to the refrigerator to find his lunch.

“Can we - ” she touched his shoulder, trying to get him to look at her. He gruffly shrugged and pulled away. “Can we please just send him? He’ll be out of your hair, you won’t see him for months. It’s for seven years, you know. He’ll be an adult when he’s finished.”

“Not that place.”

“Fine. I’ll send him to the school my family went to, in France. I’m sure my parents would love to finally see their grandson,” she lied again.

Tobias whipped around, looming over her. He was much larger than she was, and his hooked nose hovered so close to her face that her hair moved from his breath when he spoke. “You know what? I don’t care what you do. You never listen to me anyway. For everything I’ve done for you, I can’t believe how ungrateful you are.”

He pushed past her as she sputtered, looking for words, and opened the front door. “I’m late for work. Don’t expect me home early.”

As soon as the front door shut behind Tobias with a slam, Severus hurried down the stairs from the attic full of excitement. His hair was a mess, and he wore an overlarge sweater of his father’s which hung loosely from his thin frame. The boy ran to his mother’s side, and she knelt down to pull him into a tight hug.

“Bon anniversaire, mon fils!”

“Thanks, Ma,” he said, squeezing her with all of his might. “I heard you and dad talking – did my Hogwarts letter come?!”

“Yes, it did. Your father wasn’t happy, but I’m sure we can put it together. Let’s have a look…”

Eileen started picking up the scraps of parchment that lay in the sitting room, and Severus grabbed a couple too. She walked back into the kitchen, putting the crude puzzle pieces on the table as her son sat himself down and tried to put it back together. Once she’d gotten the rest of it from the bin, she sat down opposite her son and they carefully recreated the letter that he’d been anticipating for years.

Severus read it aloud, almost bouncing in his seat with glee, and when he was finished he said, “I can go, right? It doesn’t matter what dad says?”

“You can go. I’ll take you there myself.” His mother stood and came around to his side of the table, kissing the top of his head. Nothing was ever easy with Tobias around, but she had a feeling that he would learn to like sending Severus away for school. He’d lost all fondness for the boy when he started showing his ability for magic, and she thought that having her son out of the house for most of the year might ease a bit of the tension between the two of them. Perhaps all Tobias needed was a break – perhaps then they could start over again.

Severus gazed up at his mother, resting his head on her hip and smiling. The chance to get away from Spinner’s End was all he ever thought about, and finally, it was really going to happen – there was nothing his father could do about it, for once. Eileen ran her hand through her son’s hair and then frowned. “Did you brush your hair before you came down?”

He quickly looked away, unable to hide his sheepish grin. His mother laughed and shook her head in disapproval, turning around to pull a bowl from the cupboard. “Now, what would you like for breakfast?” she asked, lighting the stove with a flick of her finger.

“Pancakes, please? You said you would show me how to flip them with magic so I won’t drop them.”

“I did, didn’t I? Well, alright. Go comb your hair and I’ll start this for you.”


	2. June 26th, 1972.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> also known as: The Devil Incarnate

“Get up, boy! It’s late!”

His first year of Hogwarts had brought along many unexpected challenges, but Severus had been glad to be there nonetheless. Any time spent away from Spinner’s End was worth it to him, even if he was bullied at school just as he was at home. He’d only been back in Cokeworth for one night, the house blissfully quiet with his father down at the pub, but when he awoke with a start the next morning Severus knew exactly what was in store for him. 

To procrastinate his inevitable fate, he rolled out of bed – still in his Slytherin pajamas – and slid his trunk out from underneath the wobbly old frame. Just seeing it gave him hope that he’d make it through the summer and be headed back before he knew it, and with a little sigh he jiggled the lock to peek at what was inside again.

But as much as he tried, the trunk wouldn’t open. Out of habit, he reached for his wand that he’d hidden under his pillow and pointed at the lock. “Alohomor - ” Severus stopped himself just before he’d cast the spell, sparks flying from the end of his wand as he remembered magic was off-limits to him during the breaks as an underage wizard. He looked down and gripped it tightly. Without magic, he was just as helpless as he’d been the eleven years prior. Severus sighed and stuffed his wand into his sock, wanting to keep it close to him regardless. The Ministry would understand if he’d had to use it in self-defense… Right?

When he had changed and finally come down from the attic, his father was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. 

Tobias wore the most disconcerting smile, his face unshaven and looking more disheveled than usual. “How… Was school?” he asked, very obviously straining with his meager attempt to make an effort with his son.

Severus looked at him as if he’d just witnessed a murder. He couldn’t remember the last time when his father had asked him something so innocuous and meant it as such. Coming from him, everything was a trap. He replied, “Erm… It was good.”

“Did you learn anything?”

“I… Yeah, some stuff…” He pushed passed Tobias to go to the kitchen, but Severus only got a glance inside before the man spoke to him again. Eileen was nowhere to be seen – perhaps off at the market – and he silently cursed himself. He was on his own.

“Like what?” His expression hardened and Tobias crossed his arms, raising his eyebrows. “You can show me.”

“Um… Actually, I – I can’t, we’re not supposed to – “

“You’ve been waving your mother’s wand around this house for years, and now once you say you’re off to school for it, you suddenly can’t do it anymore? Bloody unbelievable.” Tobias rolled his eyes and took a step closer to his son.

Severus didn’t know how to make his father understand. It seemed like he always thought he and his mother were lying to him, no matter what they told him. Sure, they did have to lie sometimes to keep themselves safe, but none of their truths were ever acknowledged. “I’m serious d-dad, I can’t – I can’t do anything, they won’t let me - ”

“Who won’t let you? I’m letting you! Whose word is better than mine?”

Anyone’s, he thought, but bit his tongue and took a step back. “The… The Ministry, er, you don’t know them, they’re this sort of organization, and – “

“And they know when any old kid in the world casts a – a spell, or something? They didn’t come knocking when you turned the Donovans’ cat into a snake. How do you explain that?”

“I wasn’t in school then – “

“Stop making excuses. Did they give you a wand?”

“… Ma bought me one…”

“Give it to me.”

“… No.”

“She bought it with my money, give it to me.”

He felt his wand where it was stored in his sock safely, but kept himself from looking down at it so Tobias wouldn’t guess where it was hidden. He was sure that his father would break it if he gave it to him, and they didn’t have the money sitting around to buy a new one. “I – I don’t have it. It’s at school. They don’t want us to do magic at home, so they keep them there,” Severus lied.

Tobias knew so little about the wizarding world that he couldn’t be sure if his son was telling the truth or not. He didn’t bother to ask his wife about it anymore – she knew how angry he could get, and she’d learned exactly what to say to stop fights before they happened. They were intentionally keeping him out of the loop, and he’d realized that a long time ago. It did nothing but fuel his rage.

“Why do you always lie to me, boy?”

“I’m not – I don’t!” he whined, his eyebrows knitting together. Severus took another step back, his hands out in front of him defensively as his father became more and more frustrated. “You can ask Ma! She’ll tell you the same thing - ”

“She always does. It’s incredible how you two always have the same story.”

Tobias backed Severus into a corner, and the boy cowered. His wand shifted in his sock and he glanced down this time - it was so tempting to pull it out and stupefy him, hex him, anything. But he wasn’t up against his school bully, and House points were not on the line here. Anything he did against his father would come back to haunt not him, but his mother, and the only thing he hated more than his father was seeing his mother hurt.

“Why don’t you tell me the truth?”

Severus stayed silent. Tobias’s palm swung through the air down onto Severus’s cheek, and the thud of flesh against flesh echoed through the house. The boy’s eyes watered, and he looked up at his father with an expression that begged him to stop. 

“Answer me! Is it because of your mother? You’re glued to her, but you never say a word to me!”

Tobias ground his face into the wall and Severus crumpled to the floor in tears, trying to shield himself with his arms. Tobias grabbed them, pulling them apart and squatting down to scream at his son.

“You destroyed this family, do you know that? We were perfectly happy until you came along – no, not, even then, we were fine until you turned into one of _them_.” He forced the boy to look at him, gritting his teeth and glancing for a second at the blooming bruise around his eye before he continued, “You were too young to remember. I loved you then. But you’re just as broken as your mother is, now. The Devil incarnate, both of you! What did I do to deserve to have my family swept away by sin?!”

Tobias stood up again, veins bulging from his neck and his face red as he stared down menacingly at Severus, who was curled up into a ball and sobbing as quietly as he could. 

“I’m ashamed to call you my son.”


	3. July 19th, 1975.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> also known as: Addiction

“Ma? It’s just me.”

Severus opened the front door with the key hidden under the stoop, peering into the dim sitting room as he stepped inside. It was musky and the air was stagnant; their house was almost windowless, so the summers could be miserable when the humidity kicked in. He quickly pulled off his shoes, massaging his cramped feet, and then took a step further into the tiny house.

“Maman?” 

Eileen poked her head out from the bedroom, just past the kitchen, her eyes wide. She seemed to relax when she saw her son, walking in and to the stove as she dried her hands on a dishtowel. “Hello, dear.”

“Oh. Hi. I was trying not to scare you,” he said with a frown, sitting down at the table.

She shook her head, taking a pinch of salt and adding it to the large pot that was simmering on the stove. “That’s alright, Severus. Did you have a good time with Lily?”

“Yeah. She gave me this book back. Thanks for letting me lend it to her.” Severus pulled one of his mother’s old Arithmancy textbooks from his backpack, setting it out on the table. “What’re you making?”

“Bouillabaisse.” The whole house smelled of garlic and leeks, with a hint of fish. It was a simple comfort food, and one that Severus missed while he was at school.

“Mm…” His stomach rumbled and he stood up again, trying to get a look at the soup. Eileen turned away for a second and Severus silently took a spoon from a drawer, and when his mother was chopping vegetables he tried to have a taste. Eileen batted his hand away without having to raise her eyes.

“Hungry?”

“Always,” he sighed, crossing his arms. Being at Hogwarts had helped him put on a little weight, but it felt like every summer he lost it all once again. The only upside to that was never growing out of his already too-big T-shirts. 

“I thought Lily was bringing you lunch.”

Severus took a step back and leaned on the refrigerator, his hands in his pockets now. His friend’s family was much better-off than his own, and sometimes he felt that he took advantage of her by staying often for dinner or trying to tag along when they went places. “She does sometimes, but… I feel bad for asking so often.”

His mother put down her knife and turned to him. “Feeling ashamed will get you nowhere. If she is offering to help, then you take it.” She focused her attention back on her cooking. “But I’m sorry you missed lunch, mon amour. So did I. This will be ready in an hour.”

The food was nothing fancy, but to the underfed Severus it smelled amazing. He rocked back and forth on his heels, sure that if he went off to do something else he would be distracted by his hunger. “Can I help?”

“No, I’ve got this under control,” his mother assured him, dropping a handful of fennel into the pot. 

He stuck his tongue out and Eileen turned around once more to look at him. “Take your own advice, Ma.”

She pursed her lips to keep from smiling. Her son’s wit was as sharp as a sword, and she could always count on him to point out her hypocrisy. “Clever. Could you finish deboning the fish, then?”

Severus nodded and picked up the set of oversized tweezers that lay on the cutting board, starting to pull each splintery bone out. It was a tedious task, and even though he’d offered to help, he sighed after a few minutes of working in silence. “I wish I was seventeen, a summoning charm would be much easier than this.”

Eileen rolled her eyes but smiled at her son’s creative thinking. “Oh hush, no complaining. I’d do it myself, but your father’s got me paranoid about it lately.”

“Only lately?” he asked in disbelief, raising an eyebrow.

“… More so, lately.”

Severus huffed, pulling out the bones with a little more force. “I don’t understand how he’s getting worse. I thought you made him go to that meeting across town?”

“I suggested it. You know how much he likes my suggestions. He went out, but I don’t think he went there,” she shrugged.

His eyebrows knitted together. “Can’t you make the Kanes take him there on the way home from work?”

“I’d rather not be responsible if he refuses to go and they’re stuck with him. We don’t need another police call.”

He put down the fish, turning to her. “I can talk to him.”

She didn’t look up. “No, Severus. It’s not going to work.”

“Yeah, maybe when I was nine. But I’m older now, he might listen.”

Eileen stopped prepping their food once more, resting her palms on the counter and letting out a breath. “Severus. Listen to me. I’m here to keep you safe from him. Do not talk to him about it, do not even mention it. This is not the time,” she said, giving him a stern look.

“Have you ever tried?” he rebutted, returning the look.

“Of course I have. When you were very little, and again and again until he got so angry that I couldn’t talk about it anymore. I’ve tried everything. I tried the meeting, but I can’t make him go. I’ve thrown everything out before, and I didn’t see him for days after that. I called his mother once, even, but she told me she doesn’t speak to madwomen.” Eileen turned away, eyes downcast and disheartened.

Severus bit his lip. He had expected her to say no – his father wasn’t one to be told what to do, and he wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d wanted to avoid confronting him about his obvious substance abuse. But his mother was strong and of course she’d tried when he wasn’t around, to spare him the experience – often, though, trying was not nearly enough. 

“But… He can’t just ignore it forever.”

“I wouldn’t bet on that, mon chéri.”


	4. September 2nd, 1978.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> also known as: I Don't Want to be Like Him

“Honestly! You need to _stop!_ ”

Severus heaved himself up off of the floor in the sitting room, throwing a bottle that’d rolled to his feet at his father’s back as the man ducked into the kitchen. It hit the opposite wall and shattered, and Severus bolted through the doorway after him.

He grabbed the back of Tobias’s work shirt, pulling on the larger man with all of his might and stumbling into the dining table. “You can’t keep doing this to us! You can’t! It’s not fair!” be bellowed into his father’s ear. Tobias managed to get a leg free as he thrashed around, and he kicked his son in the kneecap. Severus instinctively let go of his father, gasping in pain, and slouched on the wall behind him as the man went looking through the kitchen drawers for something to fight with. 

Enraged, he reached into the pocket of his perpetually too-small jeans and pulled out his wand. Severus, blinded by hate and pain, pointed it at his father, who backed up so quickly that he slammed his head into the cabinet and fell to his knees.

“Eileen! Your Satanic son is going to kill me!” screeched his father, clinging to the countertop behind him as he tried to stand again. The man was white as a sheet, save for the blood smeared across one side of his stubbly face, and couldn’t regain his balance in the slightest. 

The yelling didn’t faze Severus, who took another step towards Tobias with a menacing scowl. The words were on the tip of his tongue. His Housemates had made games of the Unforgivables, and he was no stranger to them. He knew how to cast them, he knew he was strong enough. There was nothing stopping him from putting an end to his father at that very moment.

“Severus! Are you mad?!” his mother screamed, rushing around the corner from the bedroom. She looked from his wand to him, and then down at her husband on the floor amidst several bottles’ worth of broken glass. 

“No, but _you_ might as well be!” he retorted, waggling his wand at his father. Severus’s heart was racing and sweat covered his brow – he was going to do it, he really was. It didn’t matter if his mother saw; he was doing it for her as much as himself. “We don’t have to deal with this, Ma. I can get rid of him. He’s just a muggle, and a piece of shit one at that,” he spat.

Tobias brought a hand to the back of his head, trembling, and glanced back and forth between his son and his wife.

“You shut your mouth.” She pulled her own wand from where it was stashed in her sock, pointing it to Tobias, who tried to say something but couldn’t get it out in time. In a flash, he lay petrified on the floor. Eileen glared at her son, walking right up to his chest and grabbing his chin in her hands to force him to look down at her. He resisted, but it was no use. Severus stared at the furious woman, clenching his jaw and letting out a huff.

“Magic. Is not. For hurting people.” She plucked his wand from his hand, tossing it on the ground behind her. “I don’t care if it’s your father. It doesn’t matter what he’s done to us – he’s a person. And I’ve taught you to treat people better than that.”

Severus tried to pull his face out of her grasp, but she wouldn’t let go. “He’s hurting us, Ma! Why is he more important than us? Why’ve we got to keep him around?”

“You need to understand that there are consequences to your actions, Severus. Killing him only solves part of the problem. How do you expect us to feed ourselves without any income?”

“That’s - that’s not my fault! He can’t keep a steady job, and no one’s going to want to hire his son! For all they know, I’m the same as he is.”

His mother locked her jaw, eyes narrowing. “You might be more similar to him than you think.”

Severus paused. His mother let go of his chin, taking a step back and crossing her arms over her chest. He looked down at the stiff body of Tobias, his dark eyes wide and full of terror, a bright red cut on his lip. Bringing his hand up to his face, Severus touched his own lip, swollen and sore. He swallowed and dropped his hand, glancing at his bare feet.

“I don’t want to be like him,” he said.

Eileen didn’t answer. She slowly shook her head, closing her eyes and sighing. After a moment, she carefully stepped through the broken glass to Tobias’s side and wiped the blood from his face with a nearby dishtowel.

“Bring me the sleeping potion,” she told him, not bothering to turn around. “I’ve got to alter his memory.”

Severus shifted; he hated getting the cold shoulder from his mother. But, he reached up into the cabinet behind him anyway and started looking for the potion. “Barely different than any other night around here…” he couldn’t help but mumble.

“Haven’t I told you to shut your mouth?”

“Yes, Ma.”


	5. September 3rd, 1978.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> also known as: A Mother's Embrace

“I need to talk to you. Now, before your father wakes up.”

Soft light shone in from the stairs to the attic where his mother was standing, looking tired and disheveled. Severus could think of several witty comebacks as he came to and sat up in bed, but he bit his tongue. He knew he’d messed up the night before, and at this point he was certain his mother was going to send him packing. He’d tread too close to the line for too long, and now he was at the end of the road.

Without speaking, he threw his legs over the side of his rickety bed and stood, watching as Eileen hurried back down the stairs. Severus took a few moments to himself as he walked to his wardrobe, pulling his school robes out from a pile in front of it and sliding them on. He sighed. If only he was back in the Slytherin dorm, safe within the dungeon walls. But, Hogwarts was over. He was on his own now.

Severus left his room and took the narrow stairs slowly, glancing around the house as he did so. It was as clean as before the storm, without a drop of blood or shard of glass to be seen. He tiptoed through the sitting room and kitchen, past his parents’ closed bedroom door, and to the back door that had been left open.

His mother sat on the steps of the tiny porch, her thin, black hair sticking out of her bun in every which way. Severus was careful to close the door quietly behind him as he stepped out into the foggy morning, pulling his robes tighter around him and clearing his throat.

“You wanted to talk?”

She looked up at him. “Sit down.”

And he did.

Eileen sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose as she started, “I think you’ve been away so long that you’ve forgotten where you came from. The same thing happened to me, and I made some bad decisions. One of those decisions led to you, and I wouldn’t give you up for the world, but you don’t need to follow in my footsteps. I don’t want you to.”

Severus looked down at his hands, fidgeting as he sat there. “I haven’t forgotten,” he told her, trying to shut the conversation down before it began. “I’m from Spinner’s End. I‘m from screaming and smashing and starving; from hatred and violence and nowhere to hide. I’ll never forget.”

“It’s not that simple. Where you live is not where you come from,” she challenged him, dropping her hand into her lap. “You come from all of the little pieces that make you up.”

“How poetic.”

She peered over at her son, but his face was hidden behind his unwashed hair. “Don’t you see? That’s you. You are my sarcasm and wit.”

“Thanks for that, Ma. It helps me make a lot of friends. Everyone loves it.”

“You’re lucky I put up with that, Severus,” Eileen told him, tutting. “My parents did too, and I give you the benefit of the doubt that you will learn how to control yourself, as I did.”

He glanced up at her, glaring. “And your parents love you now, don’t they?”

It took his mother a minute before she replied. “That was my fault. I made a mistake, and I’ve been paying the price for it for nineteen years. I don’t want that to happen to you.”

“You ran off from your pureblood family and let some muggle get you pregnant. I’ve got no interest in girls, and dare I say I won’t be getting pregnant,” Severus spat, pushing his hair out of his face so he could look at her properly and she could see how upset he was.

Eileen’s serious expression didn’t change. “You’re missing the point. If you want, I can just leave you to figure it out,” she told him, standing up and brushing the dust off of her nightgown.

Suddenly, Severus’s chest filled with fear. He reached up and took her arm, keeping her from going back inside. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he said in a small voice. “I’m sorry. Please stay.”

She took a long, hard look at her son before her expression softened and she sighed. “Fine,” Eileen agreed, sitting down once more. “But you don’t deserve it.”

“I know… I’m sorry about all of it, Ma, I am,” said Severus, letting go of her and picking at the hem of his sleeves. “I know I shouldn’t’ve taken out my wand last night. I’m – I’m trying, it’s just… I can’t handle him anymore. I’m an adult now and I… I still feel like a kid, every time I see him. Helpless, you know?”

“You were never helpless. You always had me.”

He bit his still-swollen lip, knowing it was true but refusing to be wrong. “But… You didn’t do everything you could’ve. I know there were times where you could have stopped him…”

“How could I have? And made you soft?” she scoffed, shaking her head. “You would have never survived if you had hid behind my legs your entire life. We had nowhere to run to; he could’ve killed you if you hadn’t learned to fight back. I wasn’t trying to hurt you, he was.”

“But I fought back last night! And you stopped me! What’ve I learned, then, if I’m not allowed to put anything to practice?”

“Controlling your father is one thing, Severus. Killing him is another. Bringing death upon someone else puts a deathwish on yourself,” she said sternly, turning towards him. “There is a solution to every problem, but killing isn’t the answer. I hoped you had learned from your father that the fastest way to make someone hate you is to hurt them.”

Severus blinked. “It’s more than just him who has taught me that.”

His mother paused, and then it was her turn to look at her feet. Everywhere Eileen’s son went, it seemed, he met hardship, and she couldn’t always be there as a shield for him. “I know, and I’m sorry. You haven’t had it easy. But these experiences are all little pieces of you… And they make up the young man that you’ve grown up to be. Now, you have to decide what parts you want to keep. Not everything works in every situation.”

Severus nodded, looking out at the rising sun. Something his mother said the night before popped back into his mind, and he asked her in a whisper, “Am I really like him?”

Eileen shook her head. “Not now, not in the way that you think of him. But I can tell that it’s getting to you… I remember the sweet little boy that used to play Potions with me on rainy afternoons. You were so kind and helpful, and so very smart. I don’t see that boy much anymore.”

“It’s hard, to be nice… When no one is nice back… And… Everything just seems so hopeless… Nothing’s gotten better here, not in seven years… All I’ve managed to do is get a diploma and make my best friend hate me…”

Eileen sighed. It pained her that her son felt that way, and even though she knew he didn’t like to be touched much anymore, she put a hand on his back and rubbed him gently. Severus flinched and put his hands between his legs, hanging his head.

“I don’t want to be like him… I really, really don’t want to…”

“You don’t have to be. If there’s one thing you have that your father doesn’t, it’s resilience. You can stand up again, day after day, and take it on. He cannot. That’s why he drinks so much; it’s the only way he knows how to get through the day. But you know better than that, mon amour. Come back in ten years and he will be the same, but in ten years you will be a new man.” Severus glanced up, giving her a tiny smile – the first one she had seen in days.

He leaned into his mother’s arm and she pulled him close, tucking his head into the crook of her neck like she did for years when he was small. Hot, wet tears rolled off of Severus’s cheeks and onto Eileen’s chest as she hushed him and rocked him back and forth. 

“Je t’aime, mon cher,” she murmured, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. He clung to her, finding a type of comfort in the embrace of his mother that he hadn’t felt for months, or even years. He was safe for once, with her.

“Je t’aime, maman.”


End file.
